I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
