i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
