Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
