you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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