I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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