What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
