Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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