**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
