Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
