I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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