she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
