We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
