so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
