Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
not ubering you a puppy
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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