u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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