I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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