This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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