I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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