please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
