ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
