What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
