lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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