Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
