soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
