i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
