He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
