I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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