I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize