Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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