I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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