i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
