Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
