So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
