once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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