would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
