so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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