I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
