how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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