I just saw a hot homeless man
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
