So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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