did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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