It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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