so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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