She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
