Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
