Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
