We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
