There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
