You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
