whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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