i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
