I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
