the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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