so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
