on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize