he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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