Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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