Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I supernannyed him into submission
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