we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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