i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
