Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
