Just fell off a train. Bad.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
