i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
