So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
