we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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