You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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