I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize