Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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