At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
