i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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