Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
