I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We got so high we made milksteak
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
