why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
