Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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