i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
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