it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
