Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Panties = found
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
