I'm really into asian looking animals
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
