It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
