Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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