Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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