It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
