defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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