Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
