Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
