I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize