I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
