I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize