I wish I only lived at night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
