life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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