No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
