I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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