you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
