last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
