Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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