Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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