the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Are we still banned from the library?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
