i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dicks are not precious.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize