You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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