And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
