I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
