i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize