then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
