either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
