You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
